Pockets of Ease

The Optimization Trap

What would it be like to have just a little more ease this summer?

Because I think many of us are tired of being optimized.

Tired of being sold the idea that everything has to be optimized.

And when I think about the women I work with in midlife, I see people who are already juggling so much:

Jobs.

Care for youngers.

Care for olders.

Community commitments.

Relationships.

Health concerns.

Passion projects.

The days can start to feel like a constant calculus of optimization.

How do I fit it all in?

How do I make the most of my time?

How do I get everything done?

And at the end of the day, if you checked off everything on your list, you might think:

"Wow. I did it."

And if you didn't?

You might think:

"Ugh. I didn't get enough done."

And then guilt, dread, or anxiety starts to creep in.

Either way, the treadmill keeps moving.

Now, don't get me wrong.

A certain amount of organization and efficiency is useful.

We all have responsibilities.

But there comes a point when the optimization mindset starts to take over everything.

Every little moment of the day feels accounted for.

And what I've noticed is that we can carry this mindset well into midlife—and even into retirement.

We keep trying to optimize everything.

And eventually, it gets exhausting.

So, as we move into summer, I'd like to offer something different.

Not an entire summer of ease.

Most of us still have responsibilities.

Most of us still have work to do.

But perhaps we can make room for a little more ease than we've been allowing ourselves.

Finding Pockets of Ease

Perhaps we can find some pockets of ease.

And when those pockets appear, perhaps we can actually receive them.

Maybe you don't immediately fill those moments.

Maybe you don't check your email.

Maybe you don't squeeze in one more task.

Maybe you simply pause.

Look at the sky.

Notice the trees.

Smell the flowers.

Sit on the porch.

Take a walk.

Rest.

Take a breath.

Life isn't easy.

But ease is often available.

The Cost to Our Nervous Systems

Because here's what I've noticed:

The cost of trying to optimize everything is your nervous system.

A friend recently took a day off to do something fun.

But the next day she felt anxious.

Not restored.

Not nourished.

Anxious.

She had a big performance review coming up and a lot on her plate.

And what struck me was that the day off didn't create peace.

It created stress.

Now she had to catch up.

Now she was behind.

And what I saw in that moment was a nervous system that had been running hard for a very long time.

The downshift had not been used in months.

Maybe years.

The body had forgotten how to slow down.

The body had forgotten how to rest.

The body had forgotten that not every moment needs to be productive.

And I think many of us know that feeling.

We sit down to rest and immediately think of three things we should be doing.

We take a break and feel guilty.

We have an open afternoon and immediately fill it.

We don't know what to do with spaciousness.

We don't know what to do with simply receiving a little ease.

Playing the Long Game

And yet I want to suggest that instead, you consider playing the long game.

The long game isn't self-optimization.

The long game is self-stewardship.

It's tending to yourself with care.

It's allowing yourself to receive support when it's available.

And ultimately, the long game is self-unfoldment.

It's the seed putting down deeper roots.

It's the trunk growing steadier.

It's the branches growing stronger.

And in summer, it's the blossom.

The leaves.

The fruit.

The moments we're meant to enjoy.

The moments that are available for savoring.

Don't let yourself miss summer because you're optimizing it.

Life isn't only found in the tasks.

Life is also found in the moments when we pause.

When we look up at the sky.

When we smell the flowers.

When we gaze into the eyes of the person we're talking to.

Life is especially found in these moments when we pause and allow ourselves a pocket of ease.

That is life too.

And perhaps this summer, that's enough.

Reflection

Where might there be a pocket of ease available to you this week?

And when it appears...

Will you take it?

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