Reclaiming Joy in Midlife: The Practice of Pleasure (Kama)

I’m back home in Olympia after spending the month of March in Peru, and it feels like a natural transition point.

It’s spring. Things are beginning to open and come alive again.

Part of my time in Peru was spent beginning a new book project—one that explores midlife as an initiation into deeper vitality, wiser purpose, and more self-authored living. It’s work I’m excited to continue.

And lately, I’ve been reflecting on a framework from the yoga tradition that has been shaping both my teaching and my own life: the Four Aims of Life.

In previous weeks, I’ve shared about the first two aims—purpose, and the structures that support life and vitality.

Today, I want to explore the third aim:

Kama.

What Is Kama?

Kama refers to pleasure, enjoyment, delight, and the full experience of our senses.

It is a reminder that life is meant to be lived—not just managed.

And that joy matters.

Especially in midlife.

Because if we’re honest, many of us have spent decades focused on responsibility—caring for others, building careers, managing households, tending to the needs of those around us.

Kama gently invites a question:

Where is your joy in all of this?

Reframing Pleasure

In Western culture, pleasure is often treated as indulgent—or optional.

Something we’ll get to later.

On vacation.
In retirement.
When everything else is done.

But the yoga tradition offers a different perspective.

It teaches that pleasure is not an extra—it is one of the aims of life.

And there is wisdom in that.

As human beings, we naturally carry a negativity bias. Our minds tend to focus on problems, responsibilities, and potential threats. This is part of how we are wired.

And at the same time, we are living in a complex world. There are real challenges, real suffering, real responsibilities.

Both are true.

And this is precisely why we must intentionally make space for joy and pleasure.

Not to ignore reality—but to restore balance.

Practicing Kama in Everyday Life

Kama doesn’t have to be elaborate.

It can be found in simple, sensory moments:

• Time in nature
• Meaningful friendships
• Music or art
• Delicious food
• Laughter
• Intimacy
• Pausing to notice something beautiful

It is less about adding more to your life, and more about fully experiencing what is already here.

In my yoga classes recently, I’ve been inviting students to explore this through the body.

To notice:

What does it feel like to be present?

To experience breath, movement, sensation—not as something to accomplish, but as something to feel?

Because pleasure lives in the present moment.

Returning to What You Loved

One of the most accessible ways back into pleasure is surprisingly simple:

Remember what you loved as a child.

Before life became so structured and productivity-driven.

Before everything had a purpose beyond itself.

As a child, you likely did things simply because they were enjoyable.

For me, that was art.

I spent hours drawing, painting, cutting, pasting—completely absorbed in color, texture, and creativity.

But somewhere along the way, that changed.

I remember a middle school art class where the focus shifted from exploration to performance. Projects had to turn out a certain way. Creativity felt constrained.

And slowly, I left art behind.

For decades.

Reclaiming a Lost Part of Myself

Recently, I’ve been finding my way back.

It has taken time.

I bought art supplies… and let them sit for months.

Eventually, I began again—but differently.

I gave myself permission to be playful.

Non-performative.

I started with a tiny watercolor journal—pages just three inches by three inches. Small enough not to overwhelm me.

Each day in Peru, I would paint a page or two.

Just for me.

And something beautiful began to happen.

The part of me that loved art—the playful, curious, creative part—was still there.

She just needed an invitation.

Now, as I continue this practice, I notice the world differently.

Colors feel more vivid.
Nature feels more alive.
There is a sense of delight in simple things.

Another Way Back: The Body

Swimming has been another doorway for me.

As a child and teenager, I loved the water—the feeling of moving, gliding, being immersed.

But as life became full with responsibilities, I let it go.

It didn’t feel efficient.

And yet, a year and a half ago, I returned to it.

Now I swim regularly.

And yes, my body is stronger.

But more than that, I feel connected again to that sense of freedom and joy.

That is Kama.

An Invitation

If you’ve spent years caring for others, tending to responsibilities, and managing a full life, this is your reminder:

Your joy matters too.

Not someday.

Now.

You might begin by asking:

What did I love as a child?
What brings me even a small sense of delight?
Where can I make space for enjoyment in my life?

Kama is not about excess.

It is about allowing yourself to feel alive.

A Reflection for You

As always, I’ll leave you with a simple inquiry:

Where in my life am I making space for enjoyment and delight?

And perhaps:

I’m at a time in my life when joy deserves more space…

See what arises.

This is your invitation to create even a small pocket of time for pleasure this week.

To notice.
To feel.
To enjoy.

Because life is not only meant to be managed.

It is meant to be lived.

‍