In a world that often celebrates perfection and productivity, it can be easy to forget one of the most essential skills for wellbeing: self-compassion.

Mindful self-compassion combines two powerful practices — mindfulness (present-moment awareness) and self-kindness (being on your own side). Research shows that cultivating self-compassion supports mental and physical health, reduces stress, anxiety, and depression, protects against burnout, improves relationships, and promotes healthy behaviors such as consistent exercise and balanced eating.

The Challenge of Negativity Bias

Our brains are wired to focus on what’s wrong — a phenomenon known as the negativity bias. This bias helped our ancestors survive by noticing danger, but today it can lead us to fixate on mistakes, imperfections, or perceived failures. Over time, this inward criticism can erode confidence and increase stress.

The good news: we can re-train our brains. Neuroscientists have found that cultivating positive states like kindness, gratitude, compassion, and delight helps shift the brain away from threat and toward balance and learning. When we practice these qualities — including self-compassion — the body relaxes, and we open to growth and connection.

What Is Self-Compassion?

At its core, self-compassion means treating yourself with the same care and concern you would offer a friend who’s struggling. It’s the simple act of being on your own side.

Kristin Neff, one of the leading researchers in this field, describes three key elements of self-compassion:

1. Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgment
   When life feels difficult or you make a mistake, self-kindness helps you respond with care instead of criticism. Rather than berating yourself, you might ask, “How can I comfort and support myself right now?”
2. Common Humanity vs. Isolation
   Everyone struggles. Everyone makes mistakes. Remembering that suffering is part of the shared human experience helps us feel connected rather than alone.
3. Mindfulness vs. Over-Identification
   Mindfulness allows us to notice what we’re feeling — “I feel frustrated,” “I feel tense” — without exaggerating or avoiding it. This awareness helps us stay present and respond with kindness rather than being swept away by self-judgment.

Self-Compassion vs. Self-Esteem

While both contribute to wellbeing, they’re not the same.

• Self-esteem often depends on success or being “better than average.”
• Self-compassion is unconditional — a steady source of support no matter what’s happening.

When we rely solely on self-esteem, our sense of worth rises and falls with our achievements. Self-compassion offers a more stable foundation. It reminds us that we’re worthy of care and kindness simply because we’re human.

Reflect: How Do You Treat Yourself?

Take a moment to reflect:

• Think about a time when a close friend was struggling. How did you respond? What words or actions did you offer?
• Now think about a recent time when you were struggling. How did you respond to yourself?
• Notice any differences between how you treat others and how you treat yourself.

As Brené Brown writes, “Talk to yourself as you would someone you love.”

Practicing Self-Compassion in Daily Life

• Pause and notice what you’re feeling.
• Acknowledge your humanity. Remind yourself, “Everyone feels this way sometimes.”
• Offer kindness. Ask, “What would help me right now?” or “What would I say to a dear friend in this situation?”
• Keep a self-compassion journal to reflect on your experiences and offer yourself supportive words.
• Take the Self-Compassion Test at self-compassion.org to learn more about your patterns and opportunities for growth.

Being on Your Own Side

Ultimately, self-compassion is about turning toward yourself with care — especially when things feel hard. It’s not self-indulgence; it’s self-support.
When you are on your own side, you become more resilient, grounded, and open-hearted — and that’s good not only for you, but for everyone around you